Sometimes I wish I was poetic.

This weekend has been eye opening for me when it comes to faith. One way is in how I have had so many days where I wish I didn't have to grow up, because it's terrifying. And the truth about things hurt. But, to balance it out, I have days where I can take on the world, because I've grown up and that is really ok with me. It's more than ok, it's exhilerating. It's similar to fresh air and sudden energy highs.

Right now I'm thinking I still have a lot of growing up to do. And if I keep learning as much as I have been every year, there better be a load of learning room left.

It's really not that scary though. I think in a little while the fear of growing up will be gone completely, simply because the past hardships have worked out ok. I remember learning to drive. that was huge then, small now. And going to school, huge then, small now.

I remember a friend from art school saying something along the lines of, " it is so weird that you all know me as I am right now, You know the pregnant me and that is so weird because I've never been pregnant before and it's so huge to me, but normal to you because it's all you've ever known me to be. ' It made perfect sense yesterday at work. I think it's finally hit that I'm done school. I was sitting at the desk, and I had a clear thought of, " You are working now. All that other stuff is behind you, and it's done. and you are done. and wow, you've changed so much but you are the same person." I think a thought I grew up with was that you are someone else once you are grown up. But you aren't really, you are the same person, in a different body, with experiences behind you that will now shape your thoughts and your dreams differently than when you were young.


Aahh..it's the fear of the unknown that made the issues that are small now big at the time. That is why faith should make all the difference in the way we live. It's not scary, because God knows how it will work out. Faith means breathing freely and feeling safe.