Disappointment

If you are optimistic, hope returns, and dreams grow easily, and you can be a happy person even after you've been hurt.


The problem is, when there is a pattern of disappointments in your life, they hurt the same everytime because you start from the same position. Like you've been re-programmed everytime and anything you learned that could prevent a crash is deleted. My pattern of disappointments is in the men I've been interested in in my life time. It's always the same thing. I hate generalizing, but it's always the same thing. I feel like I'm putting myself through this cycle because I'm missing something. ( As if I could just figure it out and solve all my problems )


I often wonder how many times I will be let down before I just quit. I've never said to myself that I've given up on my dream of a husband and kids...I've joked about it...but it's never completely crushed. I wonder if that will happen. If I'll build up some walls and hide away somewhere. Right now I kind of want to.