I was thinking about my last post after I wrote it and realized that I didn't really mention trust and how that comes in when we realize what state our world is in. Isn't is all going to work out in the end Tammy?
Anyway. Thanks for the constructive criticism, Dan. :)

(there! A line! so you can breath!)

So I am wondering about writing in here now thanks to something. I'll tell you about it if you ask. It's just too bad you can't block people from reading blogs, eh?

I was sorry to miss GBS the other night... What I did instead was worthwhile too, but I haven't been yet this year. And I really want to see Sarah's apartment! And I want to see all the sweet girls I know! :( Hopefully next time.
I'm having a hard time finding a job. It's because I won't work Sundays. It's against the law to not hire someone for that reason or make them work on sundays against their beliefs, but it happens anyway. I'm not going to hide it either until I get hired, that's just out of the picture. I think if I don't get a job I'll just jump back into school and be poor for awhile longer until I can get a job with full-time hours that doesn't include sundays.

I hear, " Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an Egg...." coming from upstairs. Sometimes I love living at home, and sometimes I don't. I've been having 'house-longings' lately. It's where you are living in the expectation of something and the waiting is just making you have these spasms of energy where you clean and make plans and dream and run around. Its like a high. It feel like a high on life. The only bad part about it is that it seems to be the strongest when it's still a dream. When it actually happens it's great too, just less great? Or a different great.
Anyway. Benj just ran by making the loudest, rudest noise he could possibly make (I guess he thinks it's necessary to do that to get my attention ) so I'm going to go chase him.

Wild March Breaks

I picked up Teen Vogue today, and I read the article on Highschool March Breaks. One part described a teen in Cancun on March break who was so drunk, she was walking around from guy to guy asking them to 'hook up' with her, then she passed out in a pool and when her friend tried to give her water she spat in her face...and didn't remember a thing. That is insane. That makes me disgusted and ashamed, and I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do about that... What would I be able to do about teens getting away from their parents so that they can get drunk and have sex and not worry about it because once they are home it's like it never happened??? It DID happen. It makes me mad because I don't think I can explain myself. My stand isn't going to change anyones mind either, is it? It's one of those topics that just dies but leaves a lot of people mad. These kids will grow up into adults who will see plainly all the moral decay. If you are raised to do what feels good you can bet you aren't going to stop when it does, no matter what the cost. Having self control is admired in others, but when it comes to you, and denying yourself, it doesn't happen.
We are told to live for ourselves first, and then others, " love yourself, then you can love others." I can see some sense in that, if you are depressed and hate yourself, you are going to have a hard time finding the good in others, but you can't put yourself first and others second always. I tried to show that in my suit project at school. I had a suit and a dress and I took important pieces from them both like a sleeve and a pocket and a button...etc.. and made a complete baby outfit. It was suposed to show how if parents are going to have children, they aren't going to be be able to live for themselves first anymore, that baby is going to have needs and it can't take care of itself. The missing pieces represented the sacrifices parents make for their children.
Living for yourself just leads to fights about who is more worthy. I hear it in my house often. I wanted my sister to tidy up the sewing room after she used it...she said things like, " I already did my share of tidying in the basement" That phrase was repeated over and over, I think more to herself than to me so build up her resistance. She knew she was wrong, so she had to yell to drown out her conscience. It was coming out in gasps between her crying because she was just SO mad at me, but she finished the job.. :s (hope?) Directly after the 'teeth pulling' she turned around and says something to my brother along the lines of " You took it out, you put it back!" Sort of like 'If it's fair for me, you better believe I'm going to fight about it. '
It's pretty frustrating. Maybe I was just really affected by it today, but when you hear about things going so wrong that there seems to be no hope of a turn-around you just hate having to live with it...you know? I'm going to live with it, of course, it just seems like another revelation telling me how awful this world is.
This is why we need Jesus! And I get effected by things like that so that I know why I need Jesus. Does that make sense? We need those bad days to appreciate the good ones. Knowing what we are up against just makes us stronger and more sure in our faith.
I wouldn't be without it, you know? I can't imagine having no hope at funerals, and no hope when I've messed up. That is true comfort. Not like food, or yelling to drown out our conscience. It doesn't have to be yelling, I've out talked my conscience too many times too...but it didn't stop it completely. ( The guilt comes afterwards!)
I just know that when I am in my darkest moments and God is there, I just cannot imagine being without that comfort. Those are pure emotions. That is when I know for sure that I can't be quiet.

Sushi

I ate Sushi for the first time today. Crab, plus avocado, cucumber, seaweed and rice. It was kinda good. I can't help that "RAW!" thought though...yuck. I had it plain and with soya sauce and I think I put too much on because it was just gross. But I've tried Sushi finally. It must be good for you...with all that avocado and stuff...:)
So my entire family except Peter are going skiing at Glen Eden tomorrow. I was signed up, but then decided not to go, but now I regret it. I guess I could do stuff that I can't normally do when my family is home. (Like what?) But I'm going Monday to Blue Mountain so I hope that will make up for missing Glen Eden. Not like it's amazing or better than Blue... Actually, I'm not sure why I even wrote that. Yay Blue Mountain!
Starting right now I'm on reading week. I've never had one before :) I think I'm going to sew. I don't have anything to read but Gone with the Wind. Yes..I'm still reading it...I just don't have a lot of time to read. Now I do! But I'm going to sew!
Mom thinks I'm going to Blue mountain because I'm in love with someone who is going. haha. I love my Mom.

Sculptures and Ants

I'm making this sculpture.. it's two branches with holes drilled all up and down the bases with copper wire through the holes which attaches the branches together about 6-8 inches apart, so that it looks a bit like a ladder, sort of. It's suposed to represent a relationship, the branches are people, and the wire is the bonds between them. It comments on how I believe that bonds are built between people as they get to know eachother and that to break them apart leaves scars. Which it would, because I had to drill the holes to attach the wires, which shows the effort you have to put into a relationship in order for it to work. Without the wires now, it just has holes...empty places where something beautiful was. SNiFF.
haha...Just thought I'd get a bit dramatic.
I took pictures of Laura this afternoon. I dressed her up and did her hair again..this time I used my small curling iron and made this huge wad of curls right by her forehead. AWW. It was ridiculous! I set up my tripod, and told her to put the piano on demo mode and dance and I'd just take pictures whenever I felt like it, so she started dancing, and I'm leaning over squinting into the camera and I saw a good shot, but missed it...so I told her to keep dancing accross this same area, to see if I could get it again, but Laura (being Laura) always managed to fling her hand out in some ballarina move right into the camera just as I hit the trigger. So I will mostly have photos of her blurry hand...:S
She is special. :) Here's the conversation I just had with her...
Laura- " Do I look good in this colour?" (Purple)
"Yes"
" Do I look good in THIS colour?" (silver)
" yes.."
" Do I look good in THIS colour?" ( Blue)
" Yes.."
" I must look good in every colour...there MUST be some colour I look bad in!"

I don't have much else to write. I made a lot of drawings today...and they are all very colorful...but I can't say I liked any of them. I enjoyed the process, but they only took a few minutes each and so are lacking that hard work aspect that makes them valuable.
So maybe I won't keep them. Or I'll cut them up.

Oh! Funny story! There are ants at school...lots of big carpenter ants. The building I am in is really old, and so that's not that surprising. They were really starting to get on my nerves, but my hero, Bryan, (classmate) brought in ant poison yesterday and put it in globs all over my desk and made a big sign that said, " Caution-Poison" (Because I wasn't there yesterday so I would have unknowingly put all my stuff right on top and would have probably died.) But anyway, the funny part was watching the ants today. On a usual morning, and ant would come speeding out from somewhere towards my sketchbook down the edge of my desk at full speed towards whatever was closer, food or me...and yikes. I used to be creeped out, but after killing 20 a day you just get used to it. ( I still cringe a bit at that crunch sound, though...:S) BUT, today, the ants were very obviously affected by something, and they were just sitting around, shaking there heads slowly back and forth, and if I poked them with a pencil they went NUTS for around 4 seconds before collapsing. They could not even walk straight. I saw one sit with his head in the poison for a good ten minutes, then get slowly out, and then another came up and I guess the first ant must have been sharing, but it looked like an kiss to me...an ant kiss. Then they both did some swaggering and left, very slowly. HOPEFULLY TO THE QUEEN TO SHARE SOME MORE!
Anyway. It would be nice to for once not take some home with me to kill later. They hide out in my bag...like stowaways...but we all know that they couldn't possibly know what stowaway-ing is. It's gross. I had my bag washed so maybe the invisible lure (scent? sugar?) is gone.
But I will leave now. I have to drill more holes.

Yay!
I stayed home from school and got some work done on my projects. I decided to do portraits and color film work and also black and white with only textures...(it would take too long to explain..:) But I can't really do any of it at school because my subjects are my brothers and sisters. So I got some great shots today. Benjamin can snowboard! He is so amazing! haha, I took him to see that new Curious George movie last night for his birthday. He was really worried that it would be too scary for him, because he went to see the Polar Express with Mom and freaked and had to leave. :) But it wasn't scary at all. I really enjoyed it too..hehe..not ashamed to say it.
So I get to go to Blue Mountain afterall! I'm pretty sure I have a ride set up, and I've freed-up the day... I just have to break it to mom. She worries non-stop the entire day when I go snowboarding. Maybe I'll tell her that I'll call her during the day, so that she knows I'm still alive. She especially hates the young peoples trip we take everyyear because we get the day/night pass, which is basically 12 hours of snowboarding.
I had a job interview the other day, but I didn't get a call back. It's discouraging, but I'm glad I made it to the interview stage...I was getting a little worried. I've dropped off so many resumes in the past month. siigh.
I working on those photos for school, plus a sculpture, (It's called 'relationship', nice eh?) plus drawings for a ballad my sister wrote....which isn't for school necessarily. I'd like it to be, but it's more of a job. ha. I drew this heron with ink the other day...really really messy when you decide to smear ink with your hands. :D I need to figure out how to post pictures on here.
Benjamin told me the other day, "Don't drink alcohol when you is driving." He is way too serious. He had no reason to say that to me, just in case you were wondering. He is just So cute.
Living Worship was by far the best one yet. It went so good! I am enjoying it more than citb mostly because I know every song instead of only 2. or 3. As my sister pointed out, you get to see people from everywhere...from her homeschool group, her choir, church, and other churches all in the same place.
Ok, time to watch Wives and Daughters!