yikes

I went back to school today. It wasn't a really great day.
I spent the weekend having more fun than I should, because it makes normal stuff really not great.Although today wasn't a normal day, it was a bad day. And it would have been a bad day if it were surrounded by normal days.
What is it with life and swinging thousands of things at once. For instance, I have school, stuff at school, car, this friend with a problem, my happy/sad attitude, stupid guys, nice guys, super nice guys that I don't want to hurt. blind date, no job, not wanting to do anything and then wanting to do everything all at once.
I keep telling myself to simplify, but open spaces get filled with stuff like sitting around without motivation, which leads to guilt and generally not being happier than I was when I was swamped.
I think holidays are a blessing and a curse, because for a few days afterwards, you feel worse than you ever would if you hadn't gone on holiday at all. Although maybe you'd have a mental break down without a holiday, and that could be worse. My life hasn't come to that yet!
Oh. I'm not done talking, but it's supper time.


I've tried a million times to look at you differently, but I can't.
I've never looked at you differently, and suddenly I am, and it's easy, and it's surprising.