Sunday, July 30, 2006

Self assured. yup.

So, it was decided today that I am going to be a very strange old woman. Especially if I don't get married.

A girl at school told me this weekend that she could tell I was a Christian as soon as she met me. Isn't that awesome? I was pretty excited. Then I sat there wondering how she knew, because I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I don't want it to sound like I'm bashing myself...but I see the other girls at school reaching out to eachother and I just sit there. Like, the one girl was really mad at the teacher, and the other girl ran after her to her car and asked her the right questions to get her to talk and then they talked and then she came back and I was watching and wondering why it seems so easy for some people to reach out.
I think I'm outgoing...but it is sometimes so hard to walk up to someone and say hi, or ask if they are ok. Tonight a bunch of people I met at the CYA retreat were at my church and I couldn't get up the confidence to say hi. So I just let them talk to eachother. I was justifying myself with the probability that they wouldn't recognize me.
I was talking about insecurity with the girl from school I mentioned earlier when we got together this weekend. She said that every one of the girls at school probably feels the way I do and thats why they are really friendly one day and indifferent the next. I was complaining to her that they were dumb..lol. It is dumb...who cares anyway? So often I've felt that way after saying something but at least I said something. And so many times I'm sitting there eternally gratful that so and so said something to me and broke the pattern of " whoa, they didn't even respond... they must hate me." lol.
I'm making a goal for myself: Tomorrow there are 6 new students starting at my school, which is a lot because my school only holds about 25-30 students....so it's going to change the school I think, which could be a good thing, although it's a lot of adjusting to have new students start every month. But I'm going to be friendly and introduce myself.
Confidence! ya!


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