Right now I am wearing a turquoise, brown, and orange dress.

Hey,
So. This week has been so productive and so stressful. We have until thursday to get 4 projects done and handed in (at school) I've done so much work. I was 'explorative' and took 'risks' and was 'playful' with my art, but John was still unhappy with it all. He says my art style is too conservative and I need to expand on it more and try other more things. :s I am frustrated. He hasn't seen most of what I've done, so he's just speaking based on the few sentences I got out before he started talking. But I won't talk about him because it makes me angry.
I was dizzy during life drawing. :S I finally did some drawings that I liked though, I've been really unhappy with them lately. It's like I can't do it anymore! I took my medieval dress to school to show my classmate, Yvonne, because she loves clothes like I do. Anything old and weird is pretty cool to her. Anyway, I left the life drawing room to sit down at my desk for awhile so the room would stop spinning and Kim came in and tried on the dress and then lifted her skirts and ran accross the room to peek out at everyone. She's funny.
Yesterday was an amazing day. I love wednesdays...we have Tim that day and he is our best teacher I think. He uses the word "dynamic" way too often though. I guess my work is really dynamic..:S
A few weeks ago, we were doing an exercise where you get a word out of a hat, and then you have to research it and make drawings and just expand on it...to teach us something? My word was Birth, and that right away made me think of my faith and re-birth. I considered just going a different direction like butterflies...but I stuck with the faith idea and it expanded and I made drawings and it was pretty cool, but then we had to share. So I talked about my faith and started crying and couldn't finish. (Did I already tell about this??) I managed to get enough words out that they understood why I was crying, but it was embarassing. Anyway, yesterday we were having a work period and everyone was just talking to eachother while they worked and somehow the topic of religion came up and Michelle told me that when I cried the other week that it really touched her and made her miss going to church. I was so surprised. I was like "oh." :S !!! Isn't that cool? I don't know. I just feel like God is using me right now.
It's amazing, now that the topic is open and out there and everyone knows for sure because I said " I'm a christian" so they don't have to rely on their assumptions, it's become easier for me to be there. I was floored at how much respect I get too. I think that's why it's so hard to speak up, you assume that they are going to gang up on you and shoot you down but when I started crying in class that day they were all SO nice to me. They told me it was beautiful to be that passionate about something. (which didn't make the crying stop...:S) And Yvonne said, " Is it hard to talk about because you know we are all not christians?" Yes!! it is! :( I was humbled to the ground.
Vanessa asked me if I knew any bible verses on the woman's role in the bible. She's very much a feminist and takes it seriously. I showed her the ones I knew about a wive's role, but there aren't a lot just on woman. A wife has special instructions. Vanessa isn't a wife though...so I was pretty sure she wouldn't care too much for the verses. She was reading Ephesians 5 22-29 and she said, " This is interesting,.." and I was thinking " she's going to say something about how it tells the wife to submit..." but Vanessa just read it out loud and then said, " If this was how it always was, there would be way less problems. Why aren't people like this?"
That's my life this week. Oh and my car is acting weird so I'm like gripping the wheel tight with both hands while I drive and now I have constantly sore shoulders. I hope whatever it is is nothing serious and expensive to fix.
Movie time! Caleb described it as " An Action movie where everything blows up." I forget the name.
Night

Worth the money spent on photos...

Yes! my pictures worked out way better than I expected. Not a huge surprise if you do everything right... but I didn't. I opened the film thinking it was done winding up. But it only affected about 4 of the pictures and looks really cool on one of them.
Anyway. I took Katie and her friend shopping tonight. I needed them along for strength. We dropped off my film and went to Old Navy and I tried to give them a resume but aparently they do all their hiring online now... Then we went to A&W and appreciated some fries. (I mean it, we really appreciated them. :S Katie is so weird) Then picked up my film and I waited until I was home to open them because Katie and Nicole wanted to watch mutant X or something crazy like that.
Haha...funny story...I went to the bank tonight and there was only this other guy there and I kept feeling his eyes on me...and then when I was done he turns to me and smiles and says "Have a good night" and kind of nods. I was like " seeya" :S When I got back to the car Katie and Nicole were laughing and said he looked at me and smiled (At the back of my head?) like 4 times before talking to me. They were like, " Awwww! It was Sooooo Cute! Did he ask you out??" Kind of weird don't you think?
Alright. Have a good Sunday:)

taking photos+no money=dumb

Well, today is photo day.
Yes. I love this day.
I'm beginning to discover that it's pretty dumb to take pictures all the time when you have no job...That is why I'm not going ice skating this afternoon and am instead dropping off resumes. If I were to go skating I would probably be struck with the idea of bringing along my camera..and then Bam, there's another 10 dollars gone.
I need to make a baby shirt for my project too today... I have made a bonnet and a pair of bright pink baby pants (with feet! awww!), so now I just have to complete the outfit. I'm making everything from a men's suit and a woman's dress. I'm hoping that the finished product will show that if you are going to have kids, you are going to have to make some sacrifices for them. So I've taken one of the sleeves off the suit, and a pocket, and a button, and I've cut the pattern for the pants out of the skirt of the dress so that what is left is hanging in tatters from the waist. A few buttons are missing there too. I'm going to have the clothing hanging on a clothesline for my performance video. Don't worry, there will be wind and stuff. I'm pretty sure it will work out. haha.
I should figure out how to post photos on here....
Laura and I did a 'photo shoot' this morning. She is so cool...wow. What a trooper. Wearing boots 4 sizes to big and running through some mud. Well, not mud, more like our lawn right now. It is just soggy. Her heels were sinking in to the ground like mine were doing during the wedding photos after Sarah and Kev's wedding. nice feeling. She looked super cute though.
I'm on the computer to print off resumes but so far I haven't done that. Not even a little bit. siiigh.
ok, done. All I needed was a little guilt trip to get me going.

Kay, more seriously,
Does anyone need a haircut?? I'm hoping to boost my clientale a little bit.:) You can talk to John, Ryan, Anton, or my family if you need reasurance..haha. I have no idea why you'd need to though! I know how to dye hair too..just so you know.


Resumes are printed... better scoot.

Not a lady's pearls....

My sister wrote a play the other day. She has a knack for that sort of thing. Words just pour out of her. Her writing is usually really humorous too, but I think we laugh because we know her so well, not because they are honestly hilarious. Just to us. I think other people will laugh, but not like, big gruffaws. Anyway, Laura, my other sister, wants to name it " A lady's pearls". :S ha.
I'll talk about Laura for a bit. She put on an Egyptian dress, turned our piano to demo mode and danced to rock music. haha. Now she is sitting here waiting for me to put her to bed and saying things like. " Siiigh...I thought the one who is the put to bedder would have to do all the waiting."
Oh. dad's home. I should put her to bed.
hehe...seeyou

Joy

Has anyone been told or does anyone think that reformed churches are joyless in their worship?
I don't think so. I can see why that might be said in some reformed churches, but even then, we don't know the hearts of the people there, right? I was thinking about this Sunday night on the way home from church and I feel that we are just joyful in a different way. We don't show it by waving our hands and playing our music loudly and jumping up and down. Rather, I have found that we are quiet...but not in a bad way. I think there is a contentedness in the air during worship at my church. We are glad to be there and show it through our respect and reverence. I'm not saying that other churches are not reverent, it is just approached another way. But maybe that is something we should study more. I think we forget too often that the service and the worship is intended for God and is because of God, not for ourselves. It is our response to Him. And isn't He worth it?? I always am reminded of this whenever someone says something like the hymns aren't good enough anymore because they don't move this generation. That is kind of like saying God can't use these old words anymore because they are old. In my mind. Sure, those new songs are nice, I'm not condemning them in anyway, I'm just defending something that I feel deserves defending.

1873
Beautiful Saviour! King of creation! Son of God and Son of Man!
Truly I'd love thee, truly I'd serve thee, Light of my soul, my joy, my crown.

Fair are the meadows, fair are the woodlands, robed in flowers of blooming spring;
Jesus is fairer, Jesus is purer; he makes our sorrowing spirit sing.

Fair is the sunshine, fair is the moonlight, bright the sparkling stars on high;
Jesus shines brighter, Jesus shines purer than all the angels in the sky.

Beautiful Savior! Lord of the nations! Son of God and Son of Man!
Glory and Honour, praise, adoration, now and forevermore be thing!


I hope you all have a joy filled day.

Pizza...that is a weird word

I was just reading an email from Candice to our girls bible study group, and I was laughing at the little note for me, we often write a little message to each girl in the group, kind of like a list, "sal, how's it going?,"judy! you are lovely!" that kind of thing. ( I don't know any Sal's and all the Judy's I know are married and stuff. names were changed to protect identities..:) Anyway, I was laughing because my name had a huge AARRGH in front of it. like this, " AARRGH TAMMY!!" I am totally going to be her bridesmaid! That's doubly exciting because she is marrying my brother.
I went snowboarding yesterday. I had a weird feeling the entire evening before and on the trip up that I would get hurt. So I brought a book. Sort of as insurance against getting hurt. (superstitious?) And I went fast the whole day, but it was a careful fast... ALso, I was the only girl besides Cassy in the group I was with the entire day, so we just played it up a bit (being female) and made the guys wait for us at the bottom of each lift. I don't feel too bad because it's not like they were waiting there forever, it just allowed for some bonding time. :)
I didn't get hurt, by the way. I'm just sore. The hardest part was getting up at 7:00 today to go to school. Did you know that people get up at 5:00 in the morning to go snowboarding in Collingwood? It's so crazy.
I love doing art, and I love stretching my creativity with the assignments I get at school, but I think I'm getting sick of having to do things in a certain time frame and, within reason, a certain way. Like this suit project we are doing right now. "Use a suit, transform it completely!" well, that sounds really simple until you start on one idea, thats when she tells you that's not what she meant. And then your next idea isn't what she meant either, so the assignment gets more complex and none of it is in writing and she can't remember anything farther back than last week... But I finally came up with an idea that she thinks is pretty good. I'm going to..actually nevermind. It would take too long to describe and I spent the last 8 hours thinking about it and I don't want to spend anymore time thinking about it. so too bad.
At Pizza Hut last night I shared a pizza with Anton, but it was too much for me to finish, so I told the waiter I needed a box to take the rest home in, and Anton said that Pizza Hut pizza is made different and doesn't keep very well and wont taste good if you don't eat it right away. But I didn't believe him. And he was right. :S ouch. He will probably forgive me for not believing him if he reads this. Well actually, now that I think about it he has probably forgotten and won't care!
Time to put some straps on some dress. seeya

Words?

Wow. I'm out of words I think for awhile.
I've been thinking lately about the word "hard" Someone will say that doing something is too hard for them and it makes me wonder what that means. It would not be hard if you knew how to do it, so maybe nothing is hard, we are just ignorant, or lazy. But ignorant only exists because we are untaught. So being untaught has to exist for ignorant to exist. lazy does too, because if everyone worked as much as they should the word lazy would not exist, because there would be no need. So, I guess that means that when we find something hard, it is because we don't know how to do it properly, which means we were not taught, thus we are ignorant. But at least we know someone was looking out for us by making up the word to describe how you feel when you can't do it.
That...well...I was out of words. But I guess I've been out of school a bit too long. Only 4 more days..I can make it.
I'll write what I actually had to say about the word ' hard' and whatever it means later. I'm not sure anymore actually.
People shouldn't be left alone with their brains...it reaps some mad issues that nobody cares about.
I find words very limiting for reasons that are going to be very hard to describe. I'd rather be able to just allow people to read my mind at certain times. I take that back, I think everyone should be able to have their minds read. So that theres no lack of communication or whatever. You know, when you really need to communicate, but can't find the words? Like when things slowly grow cold between friends, but neither is able to open up the wound and fix it because come on, what are you going to say that will break the ice gently and allow words to flow freely in order to resolve issues and settle things so that everything is good and open again? It's so hard to do.
I have an art teacher who is constantly trying to get into our heads and find out how we think and what we think. He thinks it will help him teach us. I have a problem with that though because my mind is always changing and I couldn't possibly let him know everything because I would be talking non stop. I guess I feel that for him to truly understand me, he'd have to know everything about me. Let me say right now that there is no way I even want him to know that much about me. I don't at all..in fact because he wants to know so much I am put on the defence against him. I think a shell has formed around me. It doesn't help that he laughs at my opinions and jumps to conclusions before I have fully explained myself. Who wants to open up to a guy who thinks you are crazy?
Reading back I should have said that part about my mind always changing in a different way. I'm not flippant and continually changing my mind about things, I meant more that that happens at school, as I am realizing new ways to do whatever or learning things about myself and what I believe from the students around me. I am often challenged about my faith and learning what my classmates actually think about moral issues all the time and it is constantly forming my mind and changing the assumptions I've made. I guess I make assumptions too, but i least i'm not allowing them to decide how I mark people's work. whoa...stop.
Alright, hope I didn't waste too many people's time today. I just had another thought...please comment on my flawed ramblings and tell me what I should think so I can think about that ok? I was just thinking it's a bit scary to reveal thoughts, (for the millioneththth time) but how am I going to learn what I'm doing wrong? please don't crush my confidence too badly. hehe

First Post!

Here I am...blogging...
I'm going to see if this works because I can't stand the suspense.