Change of attitude

I'm really glad I didn't keep writing tonight and ate supper instead. I had an awful day, and realized that I was pulled back into the world I have become a part of *instantly* after this past weekend. The entire weekend I was who I used to be, or could be if I wasn't so distracted and misled and everything, and today I switched back to the Tamara I am when I'm at school. And it really isn't the Tamara I should be, or want to be. It's an unhappy Tamara.

All weekend at Campfire I was around people who are smart, interesting, level headed, talented, fun, happy, helpful, friendly, FUNNY, and always ready to sing and I had the time of my life. I'm not going to be that Tamara who is depressed and unhappy with her life, because I can't handle it. I can't handle it. I hope by saying that twice that I've convinced myself a bit. I'm just going to write about the cool people I saw this weekend.


I was reading Ben's xanga just now. I just became friends with him, we met before at my church for yps one night, but I now consider him a friend. He is amazing because when you see him listening to someone, you can tell that he isn't just listening to their words, but is watching them talk and taking in things that most people don't see. It's nice to talk to people like that. While he is paying close attention, he's coming up with something to say that will probably be surprising and extremely deep, or hilarious. I think he's just one of the rare truly nice people. Anyway, he's asked people to pray for him, so pray we will.

Ryan is one of my dearest male friends ever. Ever since we've met I've looked up to him because he is solid and is constantly pointing conversations or teasing back into the right direction. And he doesn't do it in a self righteous way, and that's talent if you can say " Guys, let's not talk about that anymore" and not sound like a jerk and make everyone feel like bigger jerks. I think it's because he usually laughs too, then goes " oops.." which is more real. The other day before we left he said some nice things to me and I didn't appear to have heard him, but I did, and it meant a lot, and I wish I had said something back to him because I think he is a lot of fun too.

Ashley...Another person I've met before but didn't get to know until this weekend. I saw her at the right to life rally in hamilton and remember liking her hair and thinking she looked like a cool person. I was right! She was in my cabin and was on my side in the arguement about hot or cold being better to sleep in. I think cold is better. We talked until 2:30 about lots of things including brothers and sisters and I can't wait to see her again because she's awesome.

Nadine is always sweet... And she has a lot to say. I can't believe how smart and thoughtful she is. She still calls me Tammy, but that's alright because she's allowed. The past 500 times I've seen her she's volunteering for something and that speaks volumes about who she is.

Chris, is Nadine's brother, and an awesome guy. He tries really hard and has a funny laugh. He was my friend when I was cold and lonely. :)

Cassy hugs me as tight as she can every time she see's me. She calls me Tambabes. which would be really weird from anyone else. lol. Cassy, you rock. You are really fun and I think you give people energy because you have too much. By the way, I'm thinking about the no clothes for a year thing too.

Anton...There is nothing false about you at all, and that is what makes you so special. You totally spat on me like 3 times this weekend, but it's ok. lol. Driving up with you and Mark was fun..thanks for inviting me like 4 months ago, haha!

Josina...I called you LaSina and that's weird because I'd never seen your blog. So maybe I heard someone call you that. Anyway, it was great getting to know you. You aren't easily embarassed and just do things and I wish I was more like that. You have a beautiful smile and I'll draw you again sometime and this time you can face me and I'll attempt those eyes.

Dan... You kind of float around and appear and make people laugh and then suddenly you are gone, and then you appear and say something deep and then you go and help someone or sing and play guitar and then you run off and talk to your sister or mom and then you are gone again. It's like you are everywhere and everyone knows you. I think you are an awesome guy and I'm so happy I know you.

Tony...Uh, sorry for getting frustrated when I talk to you. It's actually really good for me to talk to someone who knows everything. It gets something out of my system.. lol. Anyway, you go ahead and live on the edge and break your legs and everything, I think that's cool. You probably won't read this, but this weekend was fun.

And then I came home and my family attacked me and yelled happy New Year and hugged me to death and said something along the lines of " New years isn't fun without you girls at home" so I felt special and I love my family like crazy. It's so not worth it to treat them like dirt, because they don't change that much. mm...I'm so blessed.

I have a few New Years resolutions this year. I usually don't make any and just tell myself that I should be bettering myself all the time, not just once ayear. But I'm going to make some this year. It's good to have something to work towards.