It's a great day to be alive

I tried Drambuie last night with my Dad and my Mom.

I now understand all the references to 'keeping warm' with alcohol in movies. lol As my little cousin Thomas said after he bit into a very large, Rum filled candy " HOT HOT HOT!"

Things are really good right now. I am reading a book that is consuming all my time. It's one that pulls me away from everything and hours pass unoticed, I love books like that!

And my Mother is making me a grilled cheese sandwich. :D

Katie finally convinced me to take her snowboarding on Monday, and I didn't think it would happen, but I'm excited! I'm going to wax my snowboard. Actually, I should find it first. ha. It will be an experience to drive with Katie up to Blue Mountain. What better time to do it than now, seeing as I have so much free time?

Portfolio

I am working on my final project for school; My Portfolio!
I might have said that the last project was my last, because it sort of was. project is a bad word. This is way more fun than a project, even if it is called one.

I had over 700 pictures to chose from!


It's going to be great. I can't wait to look at it.

The job search continues. I've decided that with broken windows, insurance going up, Dad's new business, and lack of things to do... that getting a job is my main priority right now. I can't believe how fast this came.

O.k. I lied. I have loads of things I can do, but I don't do them unless I'm busy with something else. I can do more in a day where I go to school or work than an entire day spent at home. It's something I hope to get over.

Marvel days

Our lunch room at school in in the school building, but you can't get to it except if you go outside and into an indented doorway, and up some narrow smelly stairs. Then you are greeted with a small lunchroom, table with seating for about twelve people, 5000 lockers for us to use (we don't use them) a very old microwave and an empty room with a closet off of it that contains all the new kits for future students. mmhmm..we feel like eating when we sit there. I wont describe the bathrooms.

Anyway, Riki and I sat up there today for lunch. I was across from her at the table, and she kicked me for more leg room, complained about the way I cough into my hand and told me my lunch looked gross. So I whistled a long drawn out note while looking her in the eye. Riki hates when I whistle. She thinks I do it to bother her, but I just do it without thinking. Today it was on purpose. She frowned and yelled " STOP IT!!!!" and I got up (and laughed) and skipped to the door singing, " I don't have to listen to you anymore because I'm almost done my hours!!" and then I started whistling again, and she got up and chased me out into the hall, down the stairs (where the whistling echoed really nicely) outside onto the walkway, into the school and right to the door of the teachers lunch room where she let out a swear word at the top of her lungs in total frustration.

She got in trouble. But we were friends again in about 5 minutes. It's weird that way. I knew the entire time that if things were different, like if I were really sensitive, we wouldn't be friends at all. Since I'm the way I am, I can let her be how she is and still like her a lot. lol!! She is so hilarious. She can be painfully sweet too, you just have to let her be her. I'm going to miss her when I'm done.

'Yess I knooo wit, I can't Heeeelll pit.'

I took it upon myself to attempt to make....pretzels....today,


*Take a deep breath before you continue reading....







AND THEY WORKED!!!!!!!
If you were expecting some sort of horror story, please, be honest and let me know. I am not a cook in anyway and I'm sure some of you know it first hand. ( :D ha-ha! )
Ahh..I feel like I made a good situation out of a bad one. Namely, being home sick turned into learning how to make things like pretzels. These were the soft doughy pretzels = The good kind.
I just might attempt guacamole this afternoon...and bring it to GBS!

I'm still sick

Hi, it's me the cry baby!
WAAAaaaaAAh. I'm tired of being sick!!
Cough drops taste like gross.
As soon as I lie down everything dries up and I can't breath.
As soon as I sit up my nose itches until I sneeze.
Then I have to blow my nose until it's bright red.
And I had to miss church for it.

On a happy note...it isn't so terrible to miss school tomorrow (if I have to) because I only have 6 days left before I do exams, but they aren't until the end of February. :)

Bullies and Sickness

Katie got picked on today, by the youngest three kids in our family. They hurt her feelings by telling her she is too big to ride the sleds they want to use and better stick to riding the GT. I don't think there is a big enough age gap to establish the respect she wants. If they told me that, lol...big trouble.

And Caleb's Mp3 played was stolen at school. He got it for Christmas. That makes me really angry. People have always picked on him and it makes me angry everytime.

I'm really sick. It was a long time coming, and now it's hitting me hard. It's just a cold, but it's making everything ache. I spent last night changing position every half hour or so because my back would hurt, or my arms, or legs... And your head weighs a hundred pounds in the middle of the night with a cold. To top it off theres that never ending drip...


Sigh. The things we wish we could fix but just have to get through. Thank God for his comfort.

Sometimes a person could go crazy.

One instance was yesterday, when it ice rained and I got a surprise day off of school which I spent with my family. The conversation is to die for.

...We were sitting in Arbys having dinner. My youngest brother and sister didn't remember ever being there before and had a lot to say about the decorations, the location, the windows, the carpet, the tables, the fact that there was no one else in the restaurant besides us, and that a place like that should be packed with people, the food being " meat on a bun? that's it?" and again and again how craaaazy it was that we were the only ones there.
After awhile Benj asked, " Why do they call this place Arbys?" and I said, " Well, they wanted to name it Benjamin, but we got angry at them and told them not to because we didn't want you to grow up thinking you were a restaurant...."
...few minutes later Laura asks " Why do they call them curly fries?" I said, " Well, they wanted to name them Lauras, but we didn't want you to grow up thinking you were a fry...."

Maybe you can sense the slight exasperation that was growing within me...I probably could have said just " I don't know" but after 500 such questions it just wouldn't do.

...On the drive home Laura asks out loud to no one in particular, "Is it raining??"

Ahem.
1. Mom spent the trip into town talking about ice rain and how dangerous it is. 2. I had a snowday from Marvel 3. Mom, Caleb and I spent 20 minutes cleaning off the van before we left the driveway (kids sitting in the van waiting).

But I just told her not to ask stupid questions.
" That was a stupid question?"







Mom saved the day with, " Laura, sometimes you can use your own ears, your own eyes and your own brain to figure out the answer to your questions."

Goals

Tonight I'm going to write out 100 goals for myself. A girl at school did this when she was 13 and has made it through 55 of them so far. That's a big accomplishment. She's 19 now, but some of them are goals similar to 'quit chocolate for a year'. That would make the going slow.
I won't be putting that one on mine...I don't see the point of going a year without chocolate.


Rebecca came over and we napped all afternoon. It's nice to have a friend you can nap with, because it means you are comfortable with eachother and don't need to talk every minute.

This morning in church, the minister was talking, and I had the song " All I Can Do" by Chantel Kreviazuk stuck in my head, and right at the replay in my head of " all I can do is love you to pieces.." the minister said, " And we are called to love Him to pieces"

Whoa!? It's so weird when that happens. I've had it where the sentence in the book I'm reading matches what the man on the radio is saying as I read it. The cool thing is I will now think about loving God to pieces when I hear that song. It might make me like that song.

a bit more...

My Kingdom Seekers are, Kristen, Kayla, Esther, Bernita and Danielle. They are all smiley, talkative, with 10x more energy than me.

Badge Night was crazy!

The books from my childhood thing worked really well. We got everything done on the badge that we could, and I told Kristen and Danielle that they can help me out in the library on Sunday morning as part of the badge. (eek...what did I say?)
I don't know..I just love Kingdom Seekers..it is one of the huge highlights of my week. After they were tired of badge work I did some relay races with them to burn some energy, and since Kayla wasn't there tonight, we had 2 teams of 2, and I had them run up the lanes-pathways-walkways whatever they are called in the sanctuary (?anyone? My classroom is the sanctuary by the way.) and then leap frog back to me and the first team back won. It was soo funny. I could tell they were tired after awhile, they were all sweaty and red faced and out of breath but when I asked them if they wanted to quit they said no, and sat on my feet because my feet were freezing cold.
The best part of the night was when I had to use a firm tone of voice and tell them that they needed to be quiet when I was talking...and we talked for a bit after my 'tone time' about our group and how I wanted us to be a good group that has fun and learns a lot... And they all started chiming in with things like " I love our group! I don't want it to ever change! You better be our counselor next year...OR ELSE! hehehehe!!!" Awwww!! :)


Benjamin was funny the other day; he's got a sense of humour that is just starting to come out. It's always funny to discover a sense of humour in a serious person.
I had been telling a story at supper time about some of the women at school talking about the clothes they used to wear back in the day. One such article was tight, highwaisted pants with torn knees with a bit of lace at the pocket and a leather belt. LOL. Anyway, Dad said something about low waisted pants being in when he was young, and then Benjamin says, " When I was a baby we had highwaisted cars" And then he threw back his head and laughed and it was just so funny because he thought he was being funny. I love that kid..he rocks my world.


And now, so I stop sounding like a Mom...I need to celebrate really bad. I am just about done school, I finished a project that just about killed me, and I am finished all the tests I'll ever need to do at Marvel!! So if anyone wants to go out and get a coffee or a drink or something let's go because I'm so ready for it.

KS

I have Kingdom Seekers tonight. It's badge night. I'm doing the reading badge with my girls. They will probably complain a bit, but I know that deep down inside they just love reading and they love spending time with me (lol) so we could do any boring thing and still have fun.
I found a bunch of books I read when I was their age. That should help things along a bit.

Quotes

At GBS last night we were talking about everything as usual, when Laura said, " yeah..it's like a watermelon coming out of a ...melon." about giving birth. :0 Marlene and Mark are So having a girl. We know it.

I cut my finger at school today. It's a hairdressing school-we are around scissors all day long- and yet the only bandaid I was able to find was in the purse of one of my classmate's mom. It had been in there a long time too. It looked a bit like how a gum wrapper looks after you crush it up a bunch of times, spit on it, and hold it in your palm all day long.

But it worked, so I won't complain. I should probably bring my own bandaids, except I'd be handing them out so often I wouldn't have any when I need them. Wait...maybe the other girls had bandaids but wouldn't give me any for that reason! ..that's eye opening... I do that with tylenol and advil. I don't bring any because I just hand them out at the first request and pretty soon they are all gone and I get home and my Mother wonders what I'm going through to need that much medication.

Baby

I just love babies...
I love they way they look around, and crawl, and their expressions and how they see things and how they smell. mmhmm. I would much rather change a baby then clean up after a dog. I like it because they are people, and you never know how much they are taking in at that point. It's possible that they will remember everything and it will all come back to haunt you later.
" I remember when I was 3 you told me that dogs were boys and cats were girls."


I was told that as a kid. And that you had to take a bath in pee to get rid of the skunk smell if one happened to spray you. I think that was from my Grandpa.

Amber was sick this morning...:( poor pooky. I said that in a grownup way, not in a cutsy tone of voice. I hate it when parents are like " HeyBoofy! you wanna pway with daddy? Where's daddy? Where's Daddy? Wanna Pway with Daddy? Ya!? Yaaaa??!"

I mean, it's sometimes alright, but there is a time and place for everything. I'm a firm believer that kids know more than you think they do. Especially kids like my brother.

Hello World

I can't figure it out and that's ok.

My parents were just walking towards the door, about to drive away in their jeep for 'date night' (probably going to Rona) when my Mom said, " Maybe we shouldn't leave the kids here alone with Nicole..." (Nicole is Katie's rebellious-middle-child friend. Who isn't actually rebellious at all, it was their attempt at a joke)
Then Katie yells after them as they exit the house; giggling together, " Don't worry! Tam is here! She's old!"

hhaaaaaackk

So I'm considering being Campfire staff strongly. Not because of me being old, it's a new topic. I'm just trying to earn support from my parents who think I should work and not not work anymore. because I've been doing that for a long time. I think I was up to a year, then worked for like 3 months, and now it's been 3 weeks since I had a real job. yay! freedom! Maybe I can find something for a few months again, and then be a campfire-er for 2 months. sounds lovely.
It's all up to God, He's doing something complex and unclear right now, but like all His plans, they will come clear according to His timing, and they are always amazing.

Change of attitude

I'm really glad I didn't keep writing tonight and ate supper instead. I had an awful day, and realized that I was pulled back into the world I have become a part of *instantly* after this past weekend. The entire weekend I was who I used to be, or could be if I wasn't so distracted and misled and everything, and today I switched back to the Tamara I am when I'm at school. And it really isn't the Tamara I should be, or want to be. It's an unhappy Tamara.

All weekend at Campfire I was around people who are smart, interesting, level headed, talented, fun, happy, helpful, friendly, FUNNY, and always ready to sing and I had the time of my life. I'm not going to be that Tamara who is depressed and unhappy with her life, because I can't handle it. I can't handle it. I hope by saying that twice that I've convinced myself a bit. I'm just going to write about the cool people I saw this weekend.


I was reading Ben's xanga just now. I just became friends with him, we met before at my church for yps one night, but I now consider him a friend. He is amazing because when you see him listening to someone, you can tell that he isn't just listening to their words, but is watching them talk and taking in things that most people don't see. It's nice to talk to people like that. While he is paying close attention, he's coming up with something to say that will probably be surprising and extremely deep, or hilarious. I think he's just one of the rare truly nice people. Anyway, he's asked people to pray for him, so pray we will.

Ryan is one of my dearest male friends ever. Ever since we've met I've looked up to him because he is solid and is constantly pointing conversations or teasing back into the right direction. And he doesn't do it in a self righteous way, and that's talent if you can say " Guys, let's not talk about that anymore" and not sound like a jerk and make everyone feel like bigger jerks. I think it's because he usually laughs too, then goes " oops.." which is more real. The other day before we left he said some nice things to me and I didn't appear to have heard him, but I did, and it meant a lot, and I wish I had said something back to him because I think he is a lot of fun too.

Ashley...Another person I've met before but didn't get to know until this weekend. I saw her at the right to life rally in hamilton and remember liking her hair and thinking she looked like a cool person. I was right! She was in my cabin and was on my side in the arguement about hot or cold being better to sleep in. I think cold is better. We talked until 2:30 about lots of things including brothers and sisters and I can't wait to see her again because she's awesome.

Nadine is always sweet... And she has a lot to say. I can't believe how smart and thoughtful she is. She still calls me Tammy, but that's alright because she's allowed. The past 500 times I've seen her she's volunteering for something and that speaks volumes about who she is.

Chris, is Nadine's brother, and an awesome guy. He tries really hard and has a funny laugh. He was my friend when I was cold and lonely. :)

Cassy hugs me as tight as she can every time she see's me. She calls me Tambabes. which would be really weird from anyone else. lol. Cassy, you rock. You are really fun and I think you give people energy because you have too much. By the way, I'm thinking about the no clothes for a year thing too.

Anton...There is nothing false about you at all, and that is what makes you so special. You totally spat on me like 3 times this weekend, but it's ok. lol. Driving up with you and Mark was fun..thanks for inviting me like 4 months ago, haha!

Josina...I called you LaSina and that's weird because I'd never seen your blog. So maybe I heard someone call you that. Anyway, it was great getting to know you. You aren't easily embarassed and just do things and I wish I was more like that. You have a beautiful smile and I'll draw you again sometime and this time you can face me and I'll attempt those eyes.

Dan... You kind of float around and appear and make people laugh and then suddenly you are gone, and then you appear and say something deep and then you go and help someone or sing and play guitar and then you run off and talk to your sister or mom and then you are gone again. It's like you are everywhere and everyone knows you. I think you are an awesome guy and I'm so happy I know you.

Tony...Uh, sorry for getting frustrated when I talk to you. It's actually really good for me to talk to someone who knows everything. It gets something out of my system.. lol. Anyway, you go ahead and live on the edge and break your legs and everything, I think that's cool. You probably won't read this, but this weekend was fun.

And then I came home and my family attacked me and yelled happy New Year and hugged me to death and said something along the lines of " New years isn't fun without you girls at home" so I felt special and I love my family like crazy. It's so not worth it to treat them like dirt, because they don't change that much. mm...I'm so blessed.

I have a few New Years resolutions this year. I usually don't make any and just tell myself that I should be bettering myself all the time, not just once ayear. But I'm going to make some this year. It's good to have something to work towards.

yikes

I went back to school today. It wasn't a really great day.
I spent the weekend having more fun than I should, because it makes normal stuff really not great.Although today wasn't a normal day, it was a bad day. And it would have been a bad day if it were surrounded by normal days.
What is it with life and swinging thousands of things at once. For instance, I have school, stuff at school, car, this friend with a problem, my happy/sad attitude, stupid guys, nice guys, super nice guys that I don't want to hurt. blind date, no job, not wanting to do anything and then wanting to do everything all at once.
I keep telling myself to simplify, but open spaces get filled with stuff like sitting around without motivation, which leads to guilt and generally not being happier than I was when I was swamped.
I think holidays are a blessing and a curse, because for a few days afterwards, you feel worse than you ever would if you hadn't gone on holiday at all. Although maybe you'd have a mental break down without a holiday, and that could be worse. My life hasn't come to that yet!
Oh. I'm not done talking, but it's supper time.


I've tried a million times to look at you differently, but I can't.
I've never looked at you differently, and suddenly I am, and it's easy, and it's surprising.